Yesterday my son-in-law and I went to see the film Deadpool.
I said that we would not see the 3D version, if there were one, because we had been spending too freely since the birth of Mary Olivia Adenike, and it was time to be conservative. The tickets were $11 plus change apiece at the 4:15 PM show, and I was so astounded that first I handed the young man selling tickets $23 dollars cash-money (as they say), then said, no, I would give him a piece of plastic (!!?) to pay with... and here I forgot the word "credit card", so I just said something-something-something-carte-de-plastique-something, meanwhile waving my hands about in an agitated manner.
I decided that movie theater owners decided to solve the question that we movie-goers have about whether to spend vast sums on 3D versions by just goosing all prices up into the 3D range.
And then, like Captain Queeg, I was bedeviled by further conspiracies, such as the Icee Problem.
The Icee drinks were too cold. The problem with Icees that are too cold is that the ice will form a block of crystals and stay filling half the cup throughout the entire movie, and you could not get that free refill in if you wanted.
Actually, when I went to the Cinemark in Warren, Michigan, recently, the Icee experience was perfect, so it seems there is a perfect temperature at which to drink and get your free re-fill.
At the end, Deadpool kills the very bad villain.
I turned to my son-in-law and said, "There! That's what made The Revenant suck! They threw away the entire film with some sort of miraculous, unexplained bit of Christian charity!"
And the end of The Revenant was unexplained, unless you consider all those "spiritual" scenes of tree tops spinning and his long-gone wife and their conjugal bliss to explain it. I don't know how. His absent wife does not ask him to be merciful to malefactors...
...especially since his wife was Native American and after the still-alive villain is let go to float in the river, there conveniently happens to be a group of Native Americans standing at the water's edge, properly blood-thirsty enough to finish the bum off...
It was as if the film makers could not let evil survive, yet somehow wanted to let the American Dream endure of crazed do-gooders running amok, yet somehow imbued with the spirit of Charity and refraining from killing...
As if those Indians downstream were not going to be victims of genocide themselves.
The Revenant in all its Frozen Blue Darkness
There is no way I would ever sit through Revenant again, no matter how much frozen beard-snot they managed to put into it.