Why I Do Not Believe, Rather I Expect

Earlier I wrote that I do not believe in God. I do expect God, however. I expect Him to be around every corner and to fill every niche. This is what God is: that which is always expected and welcomed. Mankind has believed in God as long as we can tell. Mankind has not believed in some emotional nonsense, rather they have beheld the presence of God in the vestments of what we consider Good and Evil: that which overwhelms us with Love and that which overwhelms us with Fear. God cannot be trapped with words. Only silence. Some fear the silence of meditation, fearing that the mind empty of words and chatter will be filled by the tempting of the devil. It is possible that silence will be terrifying. God can be overwhelming. We must learn to deal with our Fear just as we do with our Love. God exists in between time space. He is the great fullness and the great emptiness; the plethora and the void. He is the great yawning gap between the Creation and the fullness of the moment. "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) The world swings between Love and Fear; building up and tearing down. It is not necessarily the way God is. Ecclesiastes does not attempt to describe the mind of God as being committed to the coincidence of opposites: it is how we understand things. Thus, by using the opposites, such as peace and war, we show that God covers the entire range of creation. Some have used the above to argue that God wants war. God does not WANT anything. Mankind wants war when it tires of peace, and it will continue to do so until it stops living in the allegories of its minds. When mankind tires of its logic and its paradigms, maybe they will be silent and listen once more, just as the great ones of old did. So...I do not believe. If I believed, you would insist that I tell you what I believe! What an inane question: what do you believe? I am living in God's presence. I expect God at any moment. I await my good and my bad, the love and the fear...even though I pray to be free from fear. I never say what God should be. I accept God's creation; I accept myself; I accept life. To believe in something allows that it may be false. God is not subject to the logic of what is true and what is false. To expect is neither true nor false, for expectations may be infinite in length.