Very Specific Emoticons

-( : { )

This is the Smiling Kaiser, which can cover a range of emotions, from Die Welt ist mein Feld to Fritzchen Freudig, Fritzchen Freudig, Morgen gibt's Sellerie Salat.

It is also used on note cards to signal the traditional taking down the Christmas tree on the Kaiser's birthday, a tradition which is fast dieing out.


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Emoticons For The Impaired 2

8 )

name: The Buddy Holly

alternates: The Drew Carey, The Robert Q. Lewis

used to connote: general myopic friendliness with large frames.

: < (

name: The Eric ( from Lon Chaney's The Phantom of the Opera )

used to connote: Don Juan Triumphant, subterranean opera, I'm feeling ugly today,...

-( : {

name: The Kaiser Wilhelm ( non-plussed, neither unhappy nor happy; sort of "Was ist's...?"

used to connote: ambition, hybris, sort of a "Die Welt ist mein Feld" type of bonhomie.

}{ }{ }{ }{

name: The Belly Dancers

alternates: The Hula Dancers, The Chicken Dancers, etc.

used to connote: depends on the type of dance; if chicken dance, used to imply extreme discomfort, usually accompanied by fountains o' chocolate and cheap bubbly.

Emoticons For The Impaired

There was a great flurry recently about emoticons, those little bits of type confused with the ancient qwerty-arts into living symbols.

For example, we may see     
:)    (sideways) smiling face. This is not only 'smiling face', but may indicate the writer is in a good mood, the writer is smiling, the writer may be enjoying a good laugh over something (although we would expect :) = lol which would be smiling face, classic Maya glyphic speech indicator, and 'lol' meaning 'laugh out loud' .)

Now, if you are up to speed, you will have noticed that I ended my paragraph above with a 'knowing wink'; i.e.
; )  

By using italics, we can create " smarmy wink", or "wink, wink, nudge":
 .)

Having had discussions about President A. of Iran recently, and having actually had a visit from a Farsi speaking individual who translated the infamous "wiped off the map" quote in a proper manner for us of the Greybeard Roundtable, we noticed a lot of noise in the air and on the net about Mr. Hitler. It was primarily things like "He's just like Hitler!" "Yer freakin' crazy, he is not!" "You're a Hitler!" "Am not! You are!" and so on. We decided to provide the proper emoticon for the "Yer a Hitler. No, you are" kind of interchange. This would provide everyone the proper punctuation for ending an insightful discussion into Hitler parallels. We submit the following punctuational emoticon:  
 // : =(            This is the "Sad Hitler". You may use the "Happy Hitler" for stronger effect.