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Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Foxy News

I think my mother approves of Megan Kelly.
Well, I know she approves of some pretty blonde lady on FOX, whom I think is Megan (or Meghan or whatever) Kelly.

She likes her because
(1) she is blonde, just as my mother is,
(2) she is a healthy Causcasian specimen, and
(3) she has a pleasant speaking voice.

The voice is important. My mother almost did not vote for McCain because Sarah Palin was his running mate, and the Palin voice was fingernails on a blackboard, or the twisting of styrofoam cups, or the popping of bubble wrap upon my mother's fair ears.

I said I did not like Ms. Kelly.
My mother was aghast. She said that surely I could tell Ms. Kelly was competent and truthful. I said that was reading a lot into blonde hair and lip gloss. (She seems to be the only FOX bathing beauty who wears a very opaque lip gloss, which sort of reflects the light back into the observer's face, intimidatingly, like the Georgian sunshine reflects off Sheriff Gillespie's sunglasses when he's giving Virgil Tibbs a hard time.)

I said that Ms. Kelly was talking so fast that she was tripping over her tongue. Indeed, she was. Very sweet, very loud, and very fast. It is part of the mythos of the place.
Bill O'Reilly gets to slow it down with his unctuous, stentorian tones. Perhaps the opinion people speak slowly to give the impression of weighty thought.
The news people chatter on at a rate calculated to make you think events are "unfolding" so fast that one can barely keep up, and before you blink an eye, more news is "on tap". This rapid machinegun-fire method of news delivery replaces the old frenzied teletype clattering in the background which was a feature of so many news shows back in the day.

When my mother asks for more information on a topic, I feel as if I must go and search the Internet for good articles and print them for her. I try to find factual presentations and stay away from opinionated garbage, which takes a bit of work.
Of course, that means I have to read the bloody stuff, thereby becoming more informed myself, which is something I usually try to avoid.


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