Slower Than Noah's Pudding

 

 It's Been A Minute That Crow Go

The film Noah has received a good deal of attention. Whether this publicity be good or bad, only time will tell. There is an old Arab saying "slower than Noah's crow". I am sure Paramount wishes the revenues do not dribble in at a similar speed.

For example, we read in Mother Jones:
http://www.motherjones.com/mixed-media/2014/03/noah-film-darren-aronofsky-russell-crowe-controversies-bans-fox-news

1)

Glenn Beck hates Noah because why wouldn't he? Beck (of course) lashed out at the movie: "If you're looking for a biblical movie, this definitely is not it," the right-wing commentator declared, having screened the film with Paramount executives. "I don't think it's an environmental thing as much as it's just so pro-animal and anti-human, and I mean strongly anti-human."

It would be obvious that the film must at least be pro-Noah and his family. They do survive and form the early Noahic covenant with God.

If I remember properly, the rest of humankind was depraved and corrupt, which is why they were drowned in a deluge.

Even Mr. Beck would have trouble trying to make that bunch sympathethic.


2)

 Christians on Fox News are upset that the word "god" isn't uttered in the film. "That's like writing an American history book without mentioning George Washington," says Fox News host Ainsley Earhardt. However, the word "creator" (which means, you know, god) is used many times in the picture, thus invalidating the Fox segment's point, and yet they carry on...

I don't think "God" is a proper name, actually. It is the word "god" from the days of polytheism with a capital G to show monotheism. That's about all there is to that.
And I am not clear whether they want to hear "Adonai" or the true name of the Holy, which is not supposed to be uttered anyway.

3)

Conservative Islam objects to depictions of the prophets, and Noah is indeed a prophet. This was not a secret, and I would think everyone involved is not surprised.

There is some stuff about Nephilim, a type of fallen angel. Nick Nolte is one of these. If you have a belief system that is stuffed with necessities like a carry-on bag, those Nephilim are probably in a pocket somewhere, and this is a big deal for you.


At this point, I have decided to be truly heretical and offend orthodoxies of all Abrahamic religions and utter the true recipe for...

Noah's Pudding!     Aşure (in Turkish)

2 cups instant barley, it will be much more when cooked
1 cup canned white Northern beans, washed and drained
1 cup canned chickpeas, washed and drained
1 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
10 cups water
10 dry apricots, soaked in water overnight, cut in pieces
10 dry figs, cut in pieces
1/2 cup raisins
Garnish:
1/4 cup walnuts, crumbled, slivered almonds, currants, pine nuts, pomegranate seeds
Cook barley according to directions on package. (If using non-instant barley, get it to boil on high heat. Then as soon as it boils, turn it down to medium-low heat and cook for about half an hour.) Set aside 1-2 cups of cooked barley and put into a food processor or blender. To the barley in the pot add the beans, chickpeas, vanilla, apricots, raisins, figs, sugar and 6 cups of hot water. Simmer for about 45 minutes on medium to medium-low heat. Stir occasionally. Process 1-2 cups cooked barley that you set aside in a food processor or blender, mixing water if needed to make it pudding-ish. Add this to the pot to thicken it. Cook a couple more minutes, then pour into a large service bowl and let cool.
Keep Noah's Pudding refrigerated. When serving, garnish with crumbled walnuts, roasted slivered almonds, currants, pine nuts and pomegranate seeds. The garnish is the best part, and you might think of different ones.
http://ruthie822.blogspot.com/2009/12/asure-noahs-pudding.html
(recipe and photo)

Be careful and judicious. Indiana Jones was almost killed for this arcane recipe!
It is currently on display in the kitchen of the British Museum, although the Turkish PM, "Yip" Erdogan, has been negotiating for its return to Istanbul.

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