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Thursday, April 04, 2013

No PostsToday...

Mythical Machines

I got up so early that I went back to bed. I jumped back in bed at 3:45, having set the alarm for 5:30.
So I arose at 5:35 AM, having been in the middle of a dream where bells were tolling merrily in joyful Quasimodo abandon, which turned into the odd sounding throbs of my alarm - I actually use the word "alarum" myself... I really do. It is just as if I were an Elizabethan cove and strutting about the Globe.
Nobody notices.

This means I get on the computer later than usual.

And soon She-who-must-be-obeyed will be up and demanding her ancestral digital rights to Locus Computensis and all the chattels and appurtenances thereto.

There is no way around it.
My daughter had visited for Easter, and early Easter morning we both noted She-who-must-etc. had the habit of putting on a display of bleary eyed befuddlement when she had just risen from the Vatican apartments: if greeted, she mumbled, if queried about some bagatelle, she grumbled that she could not jump start the old grey matter at this ungodly hour.

Unless, however, one or both of us had contravened some prerogatives of the monarchy.
For example, if the coffee machine is not centered on the proper coordinates, there will be a general denunciation and court of inquiry, a process which puts the lie to sluggish-morning-brain syndrome.
The placement of counter top items would even strain the navigational abilities of Captain Hornblower at the sextant and astrolabe.

Anyway, when the computer is demanded, I yield it. Thus, no posts in the 30 minutes I am on the computer.

I could buy another laptop, but I am too cheap.
While She-who-must-etc. has an iPhone, I still have my 12 year old Nokia with the picture of a teddy bear on the display. It works well.
And I do not have a phone plan; it is pay-as-you-jibber-jabber.

I was changing banks and checking accounts the other day, and the management of the bank I was exiting from pointed out to me the outrageous number of benefits they included with their new and refurbished checking accounts: how could I not love them ?!
Manager: "There is free access to ATMs everywhere in the known world..."
Me:  "We last used an ATM 20 years ago."
Manager:  "... extra special debit cards..."
Me: "We never used a debit card... ever."

and it went on like this.

I said that I realized that I was painting a picture of myself as the most palaeological and geezer-like coot that ever came down the pike. It was so bizarre that I had to get everyone together in a huddle at the line of scrimmage and told them that we loved all the local folks, but headquarters obviously did not want our business. Sorry. Had not a thing to do with them. Not a thing to do with any eccentricities on anyone's part.

At this point, my phone rang. I excused myself and checked who was calling - unimportant, as usual - then set the phone down on the manager's desk, unanswered. Why not? Everybody sets their slim iPhone down and desk-vogues them, don't they?

The Teddy Bear display on that boxy old Nokia was quite clear, and I saw them catch sight of its paradoxical smile.
The Manager sighed and shrugged his shoulders in defeat.

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