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Monday, November 11, 2013

The Walking Yawners

I have not tuned back into The Walking Dead since I fell asleep during one zombie attack in 2012, but I did read a piece about it in Wired.Com just to see what was going on back in The Real House Zombies of Atlanta.

Walking Dead Recap: Zombies Don’t Kill People, Being Stupid Does
By Laura Hudson 11.11.13
As I turned on last night’s episode of The Walking Dead, my roommate asked me who the villain was this season.

“The flu,” I said.

He gave me a look. “I know,” I said. “I know.”

Five episodes into the season – and only three more to go before the mid-season finale – and it is frankly amazing how little has happened, and how little it means. Aside from Carol driving off into the sunset (and possibly the Walking Dead spin-off) almost nothing of narrative value has taken place, besides the arrival – and by the end of this episode, seeming cure — of a disease that is somehow only fatal to people whose names we barely know.
Nor has the forward momentum been sacrificed in the name of character development; aside from Carl and the now-exiled Carol, we’ve seen very little change in our perpetually miserable crew of survivors.  
I am not glad that it sucks. I am glad that I was not being some sort of fop when I turned it off and said it was tedious and boring. Really, how does one go about making zombies into such clowns that remind us of our less amiable neighbors?
It is as if the zombies in The Night Of The Living Dead were flocking about trying to annoy people by asking them questions for political polls, instead of eating their brains.
Come to think of it, being the focus of a poll taker is rather frightening and resembles brain eating.
How many times do you check the caller ID on the telephone, and see some unknown acronym that has the area code 202?... meaning someone in Washington D.CD. is calling you, and you curse yourself for sending that $5 to The Heritage Foundation.
Now it is too late, and Jim DeMint is shambling up to the front door, mumbling something from oozing lips that resembles "Oooooblama Cccare!"

I saw a trailer for a new vampire film the other day and cringed as the toothy ones reared back in that aged routine of glazing over the eyes and showing the pointy canines to their best cinematic advantage.

Vampires and zombies are so shallow.


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